My eyes closed. Magic pushed, pulled and rattled against my cage trying to escape me, trying to control me. Sitting in this obtrusive stillness, I feel it beckon me to move, get up, scream, make noise, forget about stillness. It wants me to obey. Instead I remain still, hold steady and breathe, observing the freak show performance behind my curtain. It’s thrashing go, go, go...you don’t need this silence it says. I remain still. A void burns inside my chest, a feeling all too familiar. Fire, streaks of pain, swollen clouds, black depths, twisting roads. I’m still. I observe. I watch.
In the darkness of magic’s tantrum, I wonder, is this void like the door’s lock? Each locked door opens wide with a key. What is the key to this void? By nature a void has no balance, something is missing or on the contrast there is too much of another. Because my void is cold, dark, electrifying, and unstable images of opposites flood my mind. Warmth, ground, soil, energy, purples, reds, chocolates, and the sun. A fearless child is held close to my chest and a shadow casts her face. The warmth is overwhelming. Expansion, space, a swirling stream of blue soothes the dark void and it dissipates.
Words form in mind, to love and be loved. Love. It dawns on me, love is the most concentrated magic. To give love is to be love, a paradox most mysterious to human conception.
Be wise with magic; Ultimately I have control over my magic rather than the magic casting it’s spell over me. This means the magic will win sometimes and this is how I learn it’s paths, tricks, and power. This is how I learn to play with magic.
